You Miss Me.

You walk with your fake smile, you walk with your funny shoes. You know I’m watching, you know I want you to ask me to join you. You look back to make sure and when you see me you put on your frown, You pretend like you don’t need me, like you don’t give a damn. But… I can see it. I’ve seen through you for sixteen years and here I am seeing through you again. Your ears twitch to hear me speak in your ear again, your lips quiver to say my name, your eyes stare right through me wanting to untangle the thoughts that run in my brain, you stroke your shoulder wishing I’d punch you and then say I’m sorry. You look away from me… only because you don’t want to show me how much you want me. You take a step towards me, then you take two steps back. I know you want to run but you stay glued to the ground – the red, polished floor that reflects itself in your beady eyes. You look at me one last time before you turn away and go… You know you do, and so do I: You Miss Me.


The Olive Grove| <(")

This post is for those who captivate me by the use of mere words.

My lips are sealed as you sing  in my ear. Sing things that no one else will hear, and things that no else could think of. And there’s that feeling again. That feeling that keeps you up at night and makes you smile and say “everything’s alright”.

And it is. Everything was wrong but now it’s alright. ‘Cuz now you’re here beside me singing songs in my ear. You sing of fallen lovers and how they get back on their feet. And how we’ll never be like that ‘cuz we’ll hold each other steady. You sing of noble princes that fell in love with peasant girls and how the sun cycles backwards when stories like these are heard…

As night begins to fall your voice begins to fade and your tired eyes close. Come morning light…

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You Could have Stayed

The moon shined bright, the stars twinkled,
Our grandma smiled, our grandfather wasn’t wrinkled.
You and I stayed leaning on to our car,
There were lots of things we hadn’t known so far.

We spoke that day until the stars refused to shine,
Our brothers were annoyed – yours and mine.
Things that we knew and things that we didn’t,
Random things that you had known and I hadn’t.

Physics was just a word, chemistry was colours.
Everything we  wanted back then, it was ours.
We spoke of school, we spoke of teachers…
It made us proud to know we shared features.

Back then secret plans were Birthday cards,
Not back-stabbing or breaking hearts.
Our drawings were simple – of family, of friends…
We were plain, didn’t try to keep up with trends.

We played games that made no sense.
Someone overhearing made us tense.
Our secrets were very unclear,
With every smile we grew happier.

Now, You’ve moved on, I haven’t.
Things have changed, a lot has happened…
When I look at you now my memories fade,
I wish you hadn’t gone, you could have stayed.

Known Yet Unknown

A pleasant surprise.

To a person known and identified,
Yet unknown and unidentified.
To the person who looks at me curiously,
The one who watches me effortlessly.
Beautiful but humble,
Upon each step, you stumble.
The one who’s nervous, the one who’s afraid,
The one who boys look at, it be said.
To the person with a smile,
Not too rude, not too wide.
Who spoke unaware that I would hear,
After school, the one who stands near.
To the person I was curious about,
The one who looks at me with thought.
To the person who looks longingly at her past,
Her school days – all that’s gone, all that’s lost.
To the only person who was afraid to speak to me,
The one who I shared the idea of “Discovery”.
To the one who served me lemonade,
The one who didn’t forget her sister’s age.
To the person who smiles at me, that’s who –
You’re wonderful, you’re cool, you’re crazy –
And that, I think is what makes you YOU.

The People Gone

It’s my grandfather’s birthday today. I miss him and the times we had together. Nothing will be the same without him.

I’m standing in the same place I’ve stood a million times before. Every time I’ve stood here it has brought me new pleasant surprises but this time it’s just coldness that spreads through. It reaches my heart, I feel empty. All I see around are fallen leaves. The Earth rotting on itself. All beauty has been taken away. The house which once stood warm and welcoming is now a dirty greenish grey in colour. The usual laughter that seeps through the doors and windows has been replaced by the uninhabited smell of air. The orchid flowers in the mango tree still blooms but not like it used to. The sour fruit I once used to eat just for the thrill of it are all over ripe and fruit flies buzz around ominously. The ever-present tube light hangs from one side and is flickering. It’s day time and the light is still switched on. The floor’s unswept, the breath is bad. The flowering plants which once received the best care in the world look at me with eyes that beg for some company. The people who loved this place as much as I do are no more. A few remnants are left – a cracked cemented floor which once my cousins and I had mistakenly broken while playing, a cut down tree with moss running down it’s bark. It’s the tree the three of us had cut, despite the age barriers. We worked at seven in the morning in our pyjamas that day. The two of us and our grandfather. The very day we cleaned the garden and gave it a new look. The axe we used with bruised finger lays on the ground. It was tiresome but it was so much fun. I pick up the axe – I remember how difficult I found it back then to lift it. It doesn’t seem to weigh much now. On the wooden handle, now blackened by the weather is a small, uneven carving. I look at it closely. The letters “OZZ – Dec 2003” have been written. I throw the axe down and run. I don’t want to think about it anymore. I can’t afford to lose any more energy on it. I run to forget the pain – to forget the loss. I miss them, the place, the joy, the life they gave me. I miss the people gone.


I don’t even know why I wrote this…

If I could stop for a moment and wish for one miracle to happen I would want you to run away. Run away right now. I’d stay and put out the fire myself. Everything around us is burning – I’ve never understood  the word “wildfires” before but now I know. And the one thing I want to do is to save you. So run, run as fast as you can. Run before the fires catch you. Save yourself. I’ll fight them for a little more time and then I’ll go down with them. But you can’t. You shouldn’t wait – you’re the one carrying hope, the one who should live on. The time has come to part us and we have no choice. Duck your head before the soiled trees put your beautiful hair on fire. Run as fast as you can, before the fires burn you pink feet. Your eyes shine bright reflecting the oncoming fire – keep them blazing. Save your tears for tomorrow, don’t cry. I want to see your beautiful smile once more before you go, and when you do I want to live in that moment forever. As long as you smile, you can be sure I’m safe. Sweat pours down your face, look at me – I know you’ll be alright. Just run and never look back. Forget this one-sided conversation, take the happy memories only. Live for me, live for yourself – don’t ever look back. I promised myself to stand by you till death parts us but I’m breaking that promise now – so please accept my apology.  Your eyes fill with tears even though you don’t understand a single word I say. Run before the tears hit the ground. Before the tears of fire fuel the fire. Look at me now – yes, smile once more. Run.

Where on Earth have I disappeared to?

Sajith Cassim ( had said when I “disappeared” for some time, “I wonder where on Earth <> has disappeared to…” So this is my reply.

I’ve disappeared to a place where cats are family members. Where the entry of one into the house is an honour. In this place they are treated in the best possible of ways, with food no ordinary person can dream of. Where they sleep on cushioned couches, where they drink water with a tap on the door. One little ‘meow’ and they rush to to see if everything is alright.
I’ve disappeared to a place where teasing intermingles with speech. Where sometimes laughter speaks. Things go way out of hand and reality strikes in a matter of a few seconds. In this place beauty speaks in smiles.
I’ve disappeared to a place where the sound of a motor vehicle is so rare that little kids peep over their shattered windows just to have a look as if it might be the last beautiful thing they’ll get to see. In that place hunger and poverty fight stronger than jealousy and envy.
I’ve diappeared to a place where a person holds out his hand to pick up the fallen. After picking him up he smiles at his friend. Holes they dig together, roll together in and finally pick one another from. In this place a red flag means ‘play area’, not ‘danger’.
I’ve disappeared to a place where dignity counts for generations. A place where a fifteen year old girl and her parents are treated like the only people alive by a houseful of strangers, just for her grandfather’s sake. In this place eighty year olds stand up to welcome a teenager.
I’ve disappeared to a place where lipstick and pink – powder earn respect. People look at glamours and glitters like it would save their lives. Where hair colour means everything. In this place age is no barrier to fashion.
I’ve disappeared to a place where people can pretend to be friendly. Where they speak and act to project their mistakes and wrong-doings on the innocents. In this place onlookers believe actions and words, not the truth.
So it turns out I’ve disappeared to a lot of places and to realise that, it means I’m home. I’m in a place where everything seems normal. Where I truly feel home.

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