“I’m surprised”

I was surprised to hear the words “I’m surprised”…

Three girls sat in a slightly oversized table awkwardly. Two of them were sipping in mango juice and looking at each other expecting something to happen, while the other girl, in mismatched colours of blue and green looked nervously at the the two of them, then at the floor, back at them and at the floor again, biting her lip trying not to look as nervous as she really was. The oldest of the lot, the most outgoing of the three, held some responsibility in trying to break the ice but the other two responded badly. In fact, from what it looked like, one of them was just reacting the normal way anyone would in the home of a person you’ve just discovered as relative, while the other was literally freaking out for no apparent reason. She was freaking out so much that it was evident even to the onlookers. She no longer found the point in trying to hide the kind of person she was since the other two were either going to think she was a jerk or that she was a loser for life anyway. So the girl stared straight into the oldest one, the one she recognised as a figure of authority and shook her head sideways indicating that this conversation was not going to work. Fascinated by this, the brave, least afraid, oldest girl reflected her action of shaking her head sideways. Now it was her turn to stare at the blue-green-nervous girl. She felt that this was only a payback for all the stalking she had done… she felt helpless. The only thing she found more awkward than having to have a one-on-one conversation with a ‘teacher’ was to be stared at by one. She looked up, she looked down, she looked everywhere but nothing caught her eye. This was one of those moments where self-explanatory stuff don’t actually work. Looking at the I’m-lost-tell-me-what-to-do behaviour, the other said smiling, “I’m surprised”… The sentence need not be completed. Everything was understood. The third girl, the normal one, looked at as the nervous girl’s eyes lit up with even more excitement, if that was humanly possible, at the words. She didn’t say anything then, and that’s why she writes it here:

Number 07 on my list of 20 things I want to hear being said before I turn 20 is for someone to tell me they were surprised by something I didn’t do on purpose. I definitely didn’t put any effort in trying to freak out, if I did, it was actually to stop myself from freaking out. And here you are being surprised at it… thank you for allowing me to place another little red tick next to the blue inked number 07 on my yellow paged book. And on a french note, merci beacoup.

That’s a bit off my diary, or journal,or whatever you might want to call it.

There! A little red check-mark next to the blue inked number 7 on a yellow paged book!

I just had one …

I just had one of the best conversations of all time! Just so you know! And guess what? I managed to find the courage to speak – even if that meant being extremely nervous. Mission Accomplished!

Aside

You’re Losing Yourself.

If the intended people read this, they would know I’m speaking of them

Do you have any idea how much it hurts? For you it’s just a few words but for me it’s a permanent scar. You’d say it and forget it the next moment but I can’t move on. Laugh. Laugh at me. I don’t care anymore… I’ve realised you’re not going to change. Throw words at me like darts, and then laugh when you hit me. Do you even realise what you’re doing? Making a sixteen year old cry doesn’t make you cool – it makes you evil. So evil that you’re losing the essence that makes you human. You’re not human anymore. What makes you human is the ability to sypathise, to empathise and to love. When you can’t do any one of those three, there’s no point in trying to keep up with trends or wearing a NY cap. That might earn you some respect but it will never earn you true respect – respect that is a survival guide, respect keeps you from becoming what you don’t want to be. You wouldn’t embrace it if I told you, but you know you’re not happy with what you are now. You’re losing the spirit, the very thing that keeps you alive. You might seem happy when you make a little boy cry but you’ll regret it in the end. That feeling won’t last forever. It’ll fade away. Like the rain, like the storms, like the waves, it will come and go. But if you’ve been made happy in your life you can live with it forever. You’ll be able to hold onto that little hope even when all you’ve got is turning back. You laugh at others’ mistakes. Every single one of them. But if you had to laugh at your own mistakes, then for how long would you laugh? Treat others the way you want to be treated because, no matter how different they look they are still as much human as you.