2012 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 2,000 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 3 years to get that many views.

Click here to see the complete report.

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Update… what’s going on here

Hello,
I think it’s time for a random update about what’s going on with me… so I’ve been keeping up with my books lately. My A2 units start in exactly two weeks time and my primary aim this time is to keep myself healthy before the exams this time. It was only today that I realised that time’s running short for my exam and it’s probably because I’ve gotten so nervous that I was trying to read the same line for about an hour without any success. On more exciting (maybe) news, I’ve injured four of my five fingers on my right hand. Two of them have got insect bites on them since last Wednesday (that’s 8 days now!)… and those insects were minute! On the knuckle of my index finger, I’ve got it cut to metal while trying to pluck mangoes (I was close enough to climbing the tree 😀 )… the little finger; I got too excited when I smelt something in the oven and I got my finger burnt to hot metal on the oven. Oh, and today… I typed in a letter. The end product was 7 pages long with size 11 font. To whom I wrote the letter and about what, let’s not make it important. Someone might get to see it someday, or maybe no one will. I’ve been playing ‘Go fish’ a lot recently and meddling with a present I got. My metal collection is blooming, with a new home for them and an addition of few more members. I made a birthday card yesterday and I’m hoping I’d get to post it tomorrow… I finished a psychology unit 3 paper and I wasn’t very happy when I compared my answers with the mark scheme. I’ve also been trying to give instragram effects using photoshop and it’s been interesting. I’m keeping up with my fear of dogs, maybe with a little improvement and I’ve been improving in my courage with what I say. That’s what’s going on with me right now… how have you been spending your time?

Have a good time doing whatever it is that you’re doing. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

“Trust Me”

When I say “Trust me”, I mean “I’m not kidding.”

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I could have stayed up all night trying to write an explanation but I didn’t… because I didn’t have to try know that I wouldn’t be able to. 140 characters can be very very long to someone who’s lost for an explanation. I knew what I was doing but when asked, I had no clue. I stared, so grateful that no one could really see me. You would say it’s just stupid but what I’m doing right now, I think, is what’s best for you. I can afford to lose someone, but I can’t afford to see someone I love lose someone who loves them just as much.

Season’s Spirits and Shooting Stars

Shooting stars had illuminated the sky right above me… I wasn’t told till the next morning. It’s almost Christmas and everyone’s making plans for the holidays… will we even be thought of as they drown in laughter and speak about happily-ever-afters?

I guess you’re having fun, the fears must be gone by now. The speakers must be blowing in full volume and beautiful words must be flowing across the rooms, cheery laughs and sounds of video games and racing cars. Cuddling, accents and season’s spirits. You must be standing next to people you’ve only seen in photographs before and making small talk with them. You must be making new friends, exchanging stories and laughing about times you forgot. Do the remnants of the stories that your parents talk about remind you even faintly of me? Do I cross your mind? Did you ever stop and wonder how I miss all what you are doing right now? I wonder if you told them about me, or if they asked about me… Have the Christmas plans been finalised yet and have you gladly excluded me from them? I’m an outcast to what you call togetherness, and why, I’ll never know. Shooting stars passed right across you and you all made wishes upon them. We wished for this moment ever since we heard about what shooting stars look like, and when the moment was  finally here, you just decided to ignore me and make the wish all for yourself. I never got to see them, but I know you did. I don’t know what you wished for but I know what I would have wished for if you had dared to tell me that the night sky was glistening with them. I would have wished for us, not for me and not for you… I would have wished for us.

P.S: This is my 111th post, and I dedicate this to the ‘Numetrical Number’ duo

Poison Presented with Pearls

At some point it all gets a little confusing… and then we realise that we’ve been doing nothing but living their plan.

Neatly packed, maybe even with a bow on top. So beautiful it seems but what lies beneath it, only the one who packed it will know. It could be evil packed in a box that looked full of goodness, it could be poison sealed in vials that looked like cordials, or it could have simply been well wishes in an envelope that suited it’s purpose. They were all aligned, equally designed even… but there was one among them that was in disguise. It wasn’t mere chance who picked the right one, it was planned and well-thought of. A plan so good that it took minutes to plan but years to uncover the plot. The wrong present was meant to be accepted by all but they were taught to expect the good one as well. The plan was to present them all with the wrong thing. No one else knew, none but the ones involved. There was confusion and debate while someone in the crowd silently laughed at it. Unaware, they all reached forward and picked their rightful parcels. They did it together, they thought they would all get the same present like it used to be in kindergarten for Christmas. They were wrong. While they wished for the same thing, the presenter wished a few to topple and fall and choke on their breath. They wanted few to see the pot of gold. The innocent souls reached out and opened up their boxes together, brought so close by the minute’s strangeness. While a few were too busy beaming at the surprise they had just received, they had failed to notice that their friends had disappeared already.

True and Forgotten

The title comes from one of my favorite comments on wordpress. Zeeshan on ‘Sometimes’: “—words that talk about what’s true and forgotten, good times and bad.-” The inspiration comes from a brief encounter with the person who inspires me to write these kinda stuff. 

How long did it take for you to figure out who I was? We stared at each other, too shocked to look away and too confused to pretend to be fine without the other. That’s what’s true and forgotten. When I saw you looking at me as if you had just seen something very out of place, I knew that I was bringing out threads of thoughts about me that were forgotten. The way you gaped at my sight told me that you haven’t forgotten me. That there was still a part of you that was old and ready to take on the world with only an encouraging smile from me. You tried to speak in words that never sounded right, you tried to remember every bit of what used to be. The few seconds were enough to leave me wondering for eternity… did you forget, or have you forgotten? Time might be the excuse in your case… even distance. But that moment proved distance wrong. You looked as confused as me… was it because you forgot the reason, the truth, or was it because you had no reason? The beautiful confusion that stood between you and me took only a few seconds to disappear. Speed, opposite directions. Didn’t someone say that for every time I walked away, you walked away the other way? This was it… This was exactly that. This is what’s true and this is what’s forgotten. The truth’s been forgotten, and having forgotten me was the truth that you didn’t like to face.

Maybe I just love who I am… for who I am.

I might not be as big as you but I’ve still got courage. I might not be able to stand up in front of a crowd and lie the way you do, but I’ve still got enough courage to stand up and tell them all the truth. I can keep myself from breaking down till they all hear the truth. I’m determined in what I do, even when you try out every possible way to shake me off of it. You can just pretend like you never saw this post, like you don’t bother about what I’ve got to say… but the truth is that I know you’ve seen what I’ve got to say to you. Why should it be a problem to you that I’m physically feeble, why do you even bother? Does it make you laugh, make you feel bigger? The next time, how about you compare yourself with someone more your kind? The sooner you stop with these silly tell-tales of yours, the sooner you’ll stop hearing from others that you’re wrong. It’s a cycle: you try to prove them wrong by telling them I’m not worth it, they try to prove you wrong by trying to explain why your argument is invalid. It hurts to know that you find me funny but if it was not for you I would have never known that there are people who care about me as well.  People who care. People who really do care. When you tell the people around you that I was always a loser I’m sure you never thought about my reaction to it, you never thought I’d even know about it. I haven’t been watching you but I’ve seen you. I haven’t been eavesdropping but I’ve heard it… I haven’t meant to intrude you, but I’ve accidentally walked past you when you were in the middle of another story about me. You know what? You’ve taken me by surprise. I’m not as angry as you might expect me to be about you. In fact, I might even be a little happy, a little sad too. I’m sad that you’ve been wasting minutes, hours, seconds and telephone calls speaking about me… I’m happy that I’ve still been part of your life. Maybe you’d learn to be stronger from what makes me weak, maybe you’d learn to be more confident by watching how much of a fool I make of myself when I try to be confident… maybe even you have learnt of emotions by pitying me, or by loving the mistakes that I make. Anyway you might want to have it, my weaknesses are part of me. Without those flaws, I’ll never be the girl sitting behind a screen typing these words. I just love who I am… for who I am. And this time, for those who argued for me, your argument is valid. For those of you who I heard saying I need to get a life, your argument is invalid. For you, be your argument valid or invalid, thank you, and believe me, I’m not as mad or stupid as I sound.

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