“What if nothing had changed?”

Those who were so close to me had their own choices to make, their own paths to take. It must have been that I felt just the same today that took me back to all that used to be: two little girls running around, playing ‘pig in the middle’ or a simplified version of basketball. ‘You’ in this context is for those very very very few people.

It’s after so long that I felt this way… like I could say anything I want to and still be treated just the same. Like everything I say would make sense to you even when you say my words don’t make sense. I was telling you that your arguments were invalid but you knew just as well as me that I was actually only making an excuse to start a conversation. To look out of the window together and watch in silence. To know that silence spoke more words than words ever would. It’s been a really really long time since I stood outside the game feeling happier than I would have been in it, because I knew the person next to me was worth spending time with. I asked you go and join the game because I feared that you might read my mind. There was nothing wrong in a person reading my mind but I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold myself together if you knew and pitied what I was really thinking of. You didn’t go and maybe it was because you stood by me like those people would have if they existed that made me sad. I turned away and ran from the game site before you see me break down. I don’t think you heard me right when I spoke as though I had swallowed an entire sand dune… This is what I actually asked you, “What if nothing had changed?”


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