I typed, typed and typed… all I can say is that I have nothing to say about something that kept me staring at emptiness for long hours. You walked past like I wasn’t even there and you just looked at me like you could see right through. Like there was a cannon ball right behind me waiting to attack you. Did it matter to you that I was only waiting for a nice hello, or that your stare was killing the only part of me that you left untouched? In your eyes I must have looked like a threat to you… I was. I’m not taking that back – I will always be. As long as you keep up with what you’ve been lately, I will keep up with trying to prove every word you incorrectly spoke me wrong. I’ll stand as a threat to every wrong word.

I guess I did say something. That doesn’t seem to make much sense, does it? Anyway, let it be.

The Short Journey

It was a long run… but a fun one. I missed two periods and half of my break, I got drenched in the rain and I faced lightning face-to-face. I stayed at school when the outside was oddly dark for the hour and shivered as the lights went out. I stayed up recalling words I had heard and putting them together to make sure one more time that I had read them right. I had at least ten telephone calls one day, and a dozen text messages all from the same person. I liked how busy we were… up late, chatting, scanning, listening to songs and teasing lightly. Worries, even the little talks after school were fun: the arguments, the decisions, the chaos, the painful task of filtering what had to be. I loved every bit of it. I ran the stairs up, down, and up again. I tired my legs and brain but my friends held me through it. The staircases never seemed to end, but we ran through them. I thought I’d die with a lightning strike that day but when I got home I knew I was alive. I always wanted to know what it would feel like at a moment like this and I knew exactly how it felt that day. I was able to smile through all the troubles life tried to throw at me. I made better friends, I did more of the things I loved to do. I gained courage and I gave the only thing I could. I felt good about myself, and when I didn’t my friends made sure I did. It was all fun… the joy, the laughs, the calls, the mistakes, the runs, the moments where we sat in silence letting time decide the rest of it. It was all worth it… it was worth the memories it’s created. This memory one of the few places I can visit and revisit and still smile about. My friends… well, I’ve said this about a thousand times but they’re amazing!

Jumping Frogs in the Well

I love my brother. Only he would know…He thought I didn’t see the tears in his eyes when I cried.

Beyond Sight and Sound

Love is more than just the way you see and hear things. It’s about the feeling you get when you hold onto someone who cares. While we’re too busy looking at ourselves in the mirror, we almost forget that the face staring back at us as if to kill us, is the reflection of our own face.

You miss the things hardest to ignore about you,
You’ve missed them all with every step you grew.
The excitement in your eyes, the blush on your cheeks,
The dimples on your cheeks tendered by days and weeks.

You look at me and your lips curve into a smile,
You’ve got the beauty, you’ve got the style.
You don’t know what we all see and know:
That you’ve got all the nice things we’re dying for.

If you told us what you want, we still can’t give it all,
It’s not clothes, not toys, not things at the mall.
If we told you what we want, you’d only ignore,
You wouldn’t hear and to life, there is more.

You smile hoping you had sensed my presence,
But you turn around only to feel my absence.
I am in front of you but you can’t see or hear me,
I hold your hand… and together we’ll be.

I didn’t stop to speak to anyone because it would only make them pity for me. I didn’t return the puzzled smile because that would just be wrong. I didn’t stand in view of anyone else because I was too weak to listen to any of their opinions. I thought Chemistry was bad… Physics was a lot worse.

The stars saved me again

I could hear the wind crashing against tall walls, the breeze innocently creeping in through the curtains, and I could almost hear the shivers when the dogs barked. I couldn’t see it but I knew the colour of the outside. I had no time to look up, no time to let my mind wander away. It was irresistible but I pulled back myself every single time I thought of glancing sideways. I managed to keep myself away from looking at the sky for almost two hours, then I came out of the hall with ordered tables along with my friends. We were worried. We had all just been defeated by the chemistry paper, but there was still one more thing that could still make me feel hopeful. I looked up at the sky and like I always do, I said, “The sky looks beautiful.” There was one star that stood out from the rest, it was bright and different. It was… beautiful. For the first time in two hours I smiled. “Look at that star… that star… looks beautiful!” It was so beautiful that I could have cried. I looked at the star as if my life depended on it… I forgot the fears and the feeling of loss. There was only one thing on my mind, it was a feeling of gratitude intermingled with the best emotions in the world. The stars had saved me again.

How different are we, Really?

At arm’s length and I’m still reaching out. Out of breath, but I’m still breathing. Tear stained eyes but I’m still smiling. I’m looking around and I find you. You’re there… how different are we? You’re the legend, the strong one, the unbreakable one. I’m too scared, is your soul made of  steel and is it bulletproof? You definitely wouldn’t know what it feels like to be kicked around and pushed down. I smile just so that I’m not impolite but I soon turn and walk away before I get caught up in another plausible explanation of friendship. Before I can turn back and before I can change my mind, my walk turns into fast steps and then into a quick run. I can run but you can run faster. I feel a strong grip on my shoulder and I turn around suddenly and forcefully. You are here. You’re out of breath but you’re still breathing, you’re eyes are tear stained but you’re still smiling. You’re at arms length and I step back. You take a step back, mirroring my action. You speak first, you tell me you’re just as afraid I am. We’re at arm’s length and still reaching out. We stare at each other… how different are we, really?

Previous Older Entries