Peter Pan never grows old, and no person born ever dies.We’re not immortal but our memories are. 

The world outside waits for us. The wind whispers your name and the stars draw your face upon the sky, showing off to the moon how beautiful you used to look when your face shone under the night lamps… people don’t look above them into the sky because they’re afraid of what they’d find, but if they dare to, they’d see wonders. Wonders like the beauty that they often forget to see. They’re forgetting you and me and we’re watching them forget us. We used to be their story and their legend and now we’re just sitting far apart, chairs turned away, pretending to be engaged in what we’re doing, still wishing nothing had changed. Some things about you are just so hard to forget. They’re the imperfections that made you the perfect person for me and the perfect person for the world. The reasons why you and not anyone else is who I’m writing about. You’re the inspiration behind these words I write to no one. You’re the reason I still keep hoping.. you taught me how to. I’m hoping you’d know me like you once used to and tell me exactly what you know I’d love to hear right now. And I hope that somewhere far away when you see the things we used to enjoy looking at, you’d remember me. And I hope my memory brings you to this blog post I’ve hidden among all the others knowing you’d never see it but hoping you will still.

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Aside

A Rose for the Others

Warm Nights and Cold Fires

Let the others be seen for a while. The ones who don’t sing, or act, or have the shiniest locks in gold town. Some of us aren’t all that charming, born under the limelight, some of us don’t see it. Some of us just exist.

Spare a glance for the ones that struggle to walk by, the ones to struggle for their smiles, we who live on scrapings. Give a glance to the mortal few among us.

Look at the few folk that are true. The ones that don’t have to convince you of shit. The ones that don’t have to prove to you how much they’re worth. How beautiful, how precious they are. See how they hide their corrupt fallacies beneath. See that we don’t have to.

Look at the sweet talking, two timing backstabbing, bitching assholes for what they are. And then look at the true friends that…

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A Short Introduction

Sometimes I don’t seem to make sense but there’s meaning in every word there. Thanks for visiting my blog! 🙂

I am but a stranger to you
But if you could know me, would you?
I’ll take it as a yes and go right ahead
And tell you my story and the things never said:

My name’s Zulaiha, I’m seventeen,
A person for words is all I’ve really been.
I’m unpredictable; that’s why I mention it,
I could be the spark if your world’s unlit…

I can be the annoying friend of yours,
I hardly ever cry in remorse,
It doesn’t mean I don’t…
And I can’t say I won’t.

I speak to mirrors and write always
And I put my heart into tyhe dreams I chase.
I’m a dreamer but I won’t admit it,
Call me arrogant but I won’t throw a fit.

Sometimes I don’t seem to make sense
And people often mistake me hence.
I pretend like I don’t really care
But there was meaning in every word there.

I won’t say anything more,
I’d like to hear from you though…
Leave a comment of what you know of me,
And I’ll be really happy…. I really would be.

Lost

People aren’t forever… nor are the promises they make. We still make reasons to hold on to them though. And then we wonder if we’ve won or if we’ve lost… 

But somewhere deep inside there is still that old self of you looking at the world with all the innocence that time took away from you. A self that used to look into the eyes of your best friend and smile because you made her happy. The boy you used to be and the stories you used to hear… the smell of the wind as you used to run across the fields, dancing all you wanted because back then dances didn’t win girls. I see you lost in your memories; memories of us when I used to grab you by your arm and pull you towards me because that’s what people in movies do, and you would just do whatever I asked you to because that’s what best friends do. And then somewhere in the past at a time when things swirled around our lives you stopped listening and I stopped asking. I watched your life turn from monochrome to colours… colours that were plastic. All I did was step back and watch and all you did was ignore me and carry on.You didn’t just carry on, you got carried away with the glamours of life that are so hard to miss. The kind of life you never used to have… you never knew when we used to sit up in those trees and laugh about how feet could do what tires did. And here you are now, a self changed and a self hard to miss. I bet everyone in this country knows you by name and by reputation. To them you’d always be someone who glitters and shines and gives them the chills. To them I am nothing. Non existent. Someone in the crowd awing at the beauties you can make, and it’s true. I watch you and wonder where I went wrong to let that bundle of joy in my life out of my reach and reach out those million other girls instead. I wonder everyday if anyone would know your flaws like I do. I wonder if there’s anyone who’d be able to read your mind like I used to or spot the scars on your heart from times when saying goodbye to me hurt you. You say goodbye to a girl every night now and your heart is not moved, your eyes don’t water and your legs don’t shake in fright of never seeing your one true love ever again. And I ask myself if it’s worth hoping you’d invite me to join you for an old fashioned tea back home. Today you stand before me, here to ask me if I’d like to join you for a meal at the most glamorous place in town. I know that you still remember I’m who knows you best and I still hold on to that bit of what connects the person you used to be to the demon you’ve become, only as an excuse to get lost in the eyes that speak the truth and words that remind me of myself… because when you lost yourself, I lost myself as well.

You took the stars with you

Alicia Keys says it best when she sings “These eyes put up a fight but once again these tears always win”

Right now all I want is your smile. That smile that promises a future and takes away with it every worry that’s ever bothered me. I want your arms around me, your shoulder to rest my head on and your fingers to interlock mine with. Every time you looked at me my heart leapt and the way your eyes shined gave me reasons to keep hoping. I wanted and want still to keep you with me the same way little kids hold on to their favorite toys. Letting go of you felt like saying goodbye for the last time, just the way the goodnights hurt and the “see you soon”s killed me. I feel you arm around my shoulder as I walk the lonely roads at night alone and I feel your shoulders brush mine as I sit on the bench in the park with strangers next to me. There’s hardly anything about you that I don’t miss… the words you used to whispered in my ears, the little rhymes you’d write for me and the late night calls when sometimes you’d fall asleep mid way through. The love in your eyes and the way you’d pull me by my hand and run along the pavement. The sweet smell of you, so loving and so caring is just a remnant of the past that used to be me. Every now and then I forget how far we’ve come from then and find myself still lost in all your compliments and words. The night sky just stares back at me tonight. The stars that once shone for you and me have grown tired of my words for you… just like you did yourself.

Hidden Meanings

My first post from the place I’m now used to calling home: Hidden meanings. I’m calling this “Hidden Meanings” because my flat mate asked me today if I have a hidden meaning behind everything I write… and I liked the way the words “Hidden” and “Meanings” went together.

Life is all about hidden meanings. The smile you see in my face comes from having hid the tears for too long… it’s all about putting up the brave face to the world. Deceiving them. Stopping them from caring… And knowing just too well about all of this we still go ahead and do just that. We’re puppets of what society expects of us. But then again, who makes society’s expectations? It’s no one but ourselves. So in some weird and confusing way we’re living up to our own expectations, and that’s showing the world everything we’re not. A laugh that never belonged to you, a word you never meant to say or a hug you never wanted to give away. We’re hiding the meanings in our lives and we’re hiding them good. You, and me. And then I’d read this to you forgetting completely that I’m no better than you. I’m what you expect me to be… the perfect human and by pretending to be just that I’m losing my actual perfect self. The one that cries when sad and laughs only when expected to and smiles because that’s the universal language to the hearts of people. I don’t understand what we’re hiding but we surely are doing it and we’re doing it well. And to those who thought they were too cool to relate to this post I’m writing this just for you… because you’ve become a puppet more than anyone of us. You’d expect me to give a solution or a way out but I won’t because I’m just the same.