Lost

People aren’t forever… nor are the promises they make. We still make reasons to hold on to them though. And then we wonder if we’ve won or if we’ve lost… 

But somewhere deep inside there is still that old self of you looking at the world with all the innocence that time took away from you. A self that used to look into the eyes of your best friend and smile because you made her happy. The boy you used to be and the stories you used to hear… the smell of the wind as you used to run across the fields, dancing all you wanted because back then dances didn’t win girls. I see you lost in your memories; memories of us when I used to grab you by your arm and pull you towards me because that’s what people in movies do, and you would just do whatever I asked you to because that’s what best friends do. And then somewhere in the past at a time when things swirled around our lives you stopped listening and I stopped asking. I watched your life turn from monochrome to colours… colours that were plastic. All I did was step back and watch and all you did was ignore me and carry on.You didn’t just carry on, you got carried away with the glamours of life that are so hard to miss. The kind of life you never used to have… you never knew when we used to sit up in those trees and laugh about how feet could do what tires did. And here you are now, a self changed and a self hard to miss. I bet everyone in this country knows you by name and by reputation. To them you’d always be someone who glitters and shines and gives them the chills. To them I am nothing. Non existent. Someone in the crowd awing at the beauties you can make, and it’s true. I watch you and wonder where I went wrong to let that bundle of joy in my life out of my reach and reach out those million other girls instead. I wonder everyday if anyone would know your flaws like I do. I wonder if there’s anyone who’d be able to read your mind like I used to or spot the scars on your heart from times when saying goodbye to me hurt you. You say goodbye to a girl every night now and your heart is not moved, your eyes don’t water and your legs don’t shake in fright of never seeing your one true love ever again. And I ask myself if it’s worth hoping you’d invite me to join you for an old fashioned tea back home. Today you stand before me, here to ask me if I’d like to join you for a meal at the most glamorous place in town. I know that you still remember I’m who knows you best and I still hold on to that bit of what connects the person you used to be to the demon you’ve become, only as an excuse to get lost in the eyes that speak the truth and words that remind me of myself… because when you lost yourself, I lost myself as well.

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