Good as Dead

Everything around us is broken, and so are we. Incomplete. We’re standing tall and standing strong on our own, but we’re only as good as dead.

That night when the rain poured in buckets and lightning seeped through the curtains, I stayed awake shivering, shaking, waiting for the break of dawn. Tonight the sky’s clear… no clouds, no rain and most of all, no lightning. The cold wind blows against my face and I hear cheery voices and laughs from down the road. I’m awake. Not afraid this time, but too tired to go to sleep now. I don’t even know what I feel anymore because I’m shivering and I don’t know if it’s  because the night’s so chilly or because thinking of you makes me feel so cold on the inside. All I used to know of you was warmth but all I can think of now is how your last embraces were cold and your last words were nothing more than excuses that you thought I fell for. You were turning cold and yet you tried so hard to keep the warmth inside you because that was the only thing that connected you and me and that’s what still makes you human enough to run into my mind any time you want to.
Just the way our paper boats made their way through the cracks in the war-torn walls I’m drifting away tonight… I’m drifting away to someplace far and a place that seems so unclear and uncertain now. I’m looking for the cracks in our stories that would lead me there, lead me to you and lead me to the memories that I’d love to relive. The rain washed away the boats that day leaving pieces of it stuck on to the battered path that led them to where they were heading. Here I am collecting the pieces of you and me that we left back somewhere in the past we forgot.
I’m breathing, I’m holding on.
I’m sitting by the old tree, all on my own this time. The tree has finished its time on earth and I’m just wondering when we did … I stare at the roots rotting away and recall the times when they were alive and cracked the soil with their strength. Like you and me, the tree was strong enough to have the earth in its hands. We lost hold of the earth when we let go of what held our hands together; the tree let go as well. Now the tree is broken, and so are we. Incomplete. Good as dead but standing still.
I remember the adventures we took and the prices we payed. I remember your sweet smile, your face when it shone with pride as we caught the lemons that life threw at us… I remember every moment, every expression, every thought that you shared with me.
You broke your promises just as fast as you made them and I did nothing to stop you. I thought we were better off this way but now I realise that we may be standing tall and standing strong on our own, but somewhere deep inside we’re only as good as dead.
Only as good as dead.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Hash
    Dec 10, 2013 @ 14:55:46

    jaw dropping!!


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