One More Time

One last time I’m going to look into your eyes and drown in your tears, one last time I’m going to do it all over again.
The only thing that haunts me is your memory…
And I’ll never find a way to let go

Everything looks blurry from here. Blurry from the tears that fill my eyes… tears that were never supposed to be here in the first place. The beads of pain that form inside my eyes and dry before they leak out… You look like a vague memory of a long forgotten person but your breath so warm on my shoulder gives me chills. The smell of sweat from a warm summer’s day and your fingers entangled with mine… The breeze blowing across my face… I can see ourselves sitting there years from now, rocking on our chairs but I can’t see a foot ahead of me from all the tears that I’ll never let you see. You hurt me but that keeps me alive. I can’t let go…. I just can’t. The moment I put myself an inch away from you I know that you’d disappear… like the imaginary friends who disappear when you stop believing and the memories kids forget when they outgrow them. You’re only just a distant thought, something so close to my heart but something I can’t reach out for. Your firm grip holds me in place, steady steps… strong on the outside but broken, empty and fading from the inside.  A dimly lit world illuminates the life that we share… the one that’s fading so fast. The colours that define everything around us are the lights that guide us to that place far away, but they’re dimmer tonight than ever before. The tears are burning my eyes but I turn around letting you escape the moment and letting myself get lost in the moment instead. I want you here but I can only do so by letting go. After all, you’re only just a memory back to haunt me, and the only way I can have your memory back is to forget you in the first place.

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