I’m Sorry

I wrote this for “someone” who’d know who I’m talking about once read, or knows already.

I’m sorry I was nosy. I’m sorry that I tried to save a friend for you, I didn’t mean to steal anything or anyone from you. You might have thought otherwise and I swear I wasn’t. I’m sorry that I tried to understand you, I thought that might make us better friends… I’m sorry I asked you not to be my friend. It turns out you never wanted me to be your friend anyway. “Guilty till proven innocent,” isn’t that what you said? I’m sorry I listened to you speak when the world ‘inside’ was laughing aloud, I’m sorry I stood up for you, I just thought you were worth it. I still do. I’m sorry I was an idiot.

I’m sorry that I argued about the things I didn’t even agree with. I just like arguing because that makes you believe more in your view of the world. I didn’t agree with everything I argued about, but I hoped that would make you agree with yourself. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I stayed up almost the entire night typing to a screen that didn’t respond about why you were an amazing person. I’m sorry I hurt you, and I’m sorry I hurt myself as well. I’m sorry that I killed your precious time with my text messages and calls asking if you were alright.

I’m sorry I bored you with my stories, I thought you liked listening to them as much as you told them. What I didn’t know is that you hated relating the stories. I’m sorry I told and listened. I didn’t know you considered it being ‘nosy’. I’m sorry I wrote a story basing a character on you, I thought it’d make you smile. I’m sorry I called you a mad scientist – I thought being a scientist is cool. I’m sorry that in your mind every compliment I made was an insult to you. I’m sorry I complimented you at all. I’m sorry I was an idiot to you, and I’m sorry for myself for not realising I was one.

I’m sorry that I considered you one of the most interesting people I’ve met. I’m sorry that I even shared some interests with you. I didn’t think it would be shameful on your part. I’m sorry I read the beautiful stuff you posted and asked you to read some of the things I wrote as well. I’m sorry that you found the meaning behind most of it. I’m sorry I called you the best writer in the world, I truly meant it. I’m sorry that I was that easy to hurt. Thank you for your beautiful comments, and thank you for giving me the impression that you’ll always be my friend and I’m sorry that I was harder to fool that you thought at times. I’m sorry for the punch lines I threw at you that left you wondering. I’m sorry that I genuinely tried to be a good friend. I’m sorry I asked you to put a bottle into a shoe and hit it against the wall. It worked though and you were happy, or at least I thought you were. I’m sorry.

I’m sorry I asked you questions when the answers weren’t all that clear. I’m sorry that my answers weren’t satisfying to your questions either. I’m sorry I tried to hide some things from you, I’m sorry you tried to find out some of those as well. I’m sorry that your “friend’s friend” was disturbed by my “debate” about Freud with you. I’m sorry you had to write a painfully beautiful letter because of me. The words, they mean a lot to me and I’ll hold them close to me but I’m sorry you had to write them. I’m sorry for all the times your phone beeped with a facebook notification for a status I tagged you in. I’m sorry for when your words hurt because you were thinking things as you spoke. I’m sorry for the three knocks on your door, for the boring card games and badminton. I’m sorry for joking about you going to a person’s house, for confusing you with the code names we had come up with. I’m sorry for it all.

You told me about once that a particular person said “I’m sorry” till you said it was alright. I could do the same but I don’t want you to say it’s alright. Instead, let me thank you for your honesty and the memories and words you’ve given me and are yet to give.

I’m Sorry
I’m Sorry
I’m Sorry

I’m sorry to someone who doesn’t know I died when I was called ‘nosy’.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Zeeshan
    Mar 18, 2014 @ 08:24:59

    I wondered why you posted it before and deleted it . Glad to see it back 🙂

    Reply

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