Talking my thoughts

It’s been some time, I know. I managed to make a little bit of time for those who’ve been waiting for a post (if there are any :D). This one started off with something someone told me that hurt me and then merged into something someone else told me that hurt as well, but in a different way. I ended it with the thoughts of something someone said that hurt me more than either one of the two before did.

Your holding stare cut through my skin and reached my insides before I even knew it. The heat of my heart dropped and I felt a thick dense smoke rising within me. It reached my eyes and in the core of them, it burnt. My eyes watered… the tears looked for an escape but there was no way I was going to let go of them… I couldn’t afford to show you how much your words meant to me. So I stared back, awkwardly and looking for the words that I could say back to you. I had nothing to say. No words to promise you anything… because I really couldn’t. I knew what you wanted, and I knew you couldn’t see it in me. I always had the choice, but I decided not to. I was stubborn but at some point the stubborn decision I once made became a part of me… not a choice any longer, but something that I couldn’t go back on. And I knew right then that you were trying to make me think, I knew you were trying to erase parts of my memory so that I would forget why I became who I had. I still didn’t say anything because there was simply nothing I could say to explain. All I could do was listen to you and l that’s all I did. Made you wonder why I listened when no one else did, made you wonder what made me understand. I made you question yourself about the person who stood before you… and gave you the wrong impression. Something you believed. an image of a person you expected. All I really was was something darker than the image. A shadow of it, maybe, but not itself on its own. I listened because I heard what they couldn’t, I said nothing because I had too much to, I stopped my tears from revealing because I was afraid of you; because I believed in you… because I understood. Because you were talking my thoughts.

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