You can spend minutes speaking to someone and feel like you know them inside out. And then some days you wake up and realize you suddenly don’t know someone you thought you knew your entire life.

And you try to makes sense of this nonsense. You try to fix the pieces, how you can feel like you don’t know everything you once knew. How your memory is still as sharp but you can’t find anything in it, and every new thought you try to process is like a faint stain that all the other colours blur out of your vision. And the words you hear shoot right past you as you walk head first into a battle field of confusion. You’re not going to believe a word you hear, you’re not going to mean a thing you say. So you keep quiet, you let the words rush past you, and when they don’t, you run because staying too long would mean you’d have to read between them, you’d have to see the words for what they are. And neither you, nor I are prepared to learn the truth. Truth is just a fancy word for all the lies we’ve come to live. You hear the sound of your own heartbeat and you say it’s a marching band, you feel your breath choking you and you say it’s just the air around and you say over and over again that you can’t stand the presence of one more question when all you’re trying to mean is you can’t stand the absence of an answer. You’re lost, and as much as you know it, you won’t accept it. Because accepting it would make it the truth, and you can’t stand it. You can’t stand to watch yourself lie. You are a disaster, chaos, a storm of all the crazy things… but take a breath, breath again. Let’s start again. I may have known you yesterday, but I sure am seeing you for the first time today.


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