Formulae

To the 15 year old who was then 8.

When I turned around, I heard your shock in the breath you didn’t take. I tried to look but didn’t anyway because I saw your eyes in all the ways that I didn’t. I wondered if you wondered too.. was it me, did you think.. or was it just the shock of what you knew already dawning on you. Surely it must have surprised you to see what once was a person you despised. I couldn’t help but wonder if you hated me still. But I held my words the way you held yours- to you, I was an unanswered question and something told me now was not the time. You had filled those seven years in between with equations and formulae to make sense of what you couldn’t. I wanted to ask you a thousand questions, I wanted to say I still had questions myself, I could say you did too.. but we were far from the past and we just weren’t ready still to see how far our formulae could take us.